Watching Over You
by BillieBruce
Summary: Set after Allegiant. Tris' POV. MAJOR SPOILERS. Summary inside for the benefit of those who have not read Allegiant.
1. Chapter 1

**So come on, who bawled their eyes out at the end of Allegiant? I did!**

**I didn't want to give too many spoilers away in the summary but this is a fanfic about what happens to Tobias after Tris dies. You might be thinking but we already know, well this is from Tris' point of view. How does she react to her death? How does she view Tobias and what will she think as he continues to live rest of his life?**

**That's a pretty terrible summary but please read it and let me know what you think. :) ****Billie. x **

**P.S. I edited this chapter to correct a few tense slips. Also, Divergent does not belong to me but to the wonderful (if heartbreaking) Veronica Roth!**

* * *

><p>ONE<p>

I watched as Tobias walked through the doors of the Bureau. He was relaxed, happy that our plan had been successful, but I could see his eyes scanning the lobby. He was looking for me. I swallowed and tried to ignore the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wouldn't get to celebrate our success with Tobias, wouldn't get to see if it all lasted and ended happily. I was dead.

I knew that I had done the right thing in taking Caleb's place, knew that I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if he had died instead of me, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. I didn't want to be dead; I had hoped I would survive, had been almost certain that I would. I hadn't banked on David waiting for me inside, armed and ready for a fight.

"What is it? Where's Tris?" Tobias demanded, a worried look spreading across his face.

"I'm sorry, Tobias," Cara said, she was bruised and her head was bandaged but I had seen a doctor tell her that she would be fine.

Christina was the one who replied, speaking roughly, "Sorry about what? Tell us what happened!"

I took a deep breath, out of habit not necessity, and watched as Cara told them what happened.

"Tris went into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb. She survived the death serum, and set off the memory serum, but she… she was shot. And she didn't survive. I'm so sorry."

I watched Tobias as Cara explained, he looked angry that she would even suggest such a thing but then I watched as realisation struck. His shoulders sagged, dropping with his mood. Cara and Christina kept talking, but I ignored them. I stepped slowly towards Tobias, wishing that I could comfort him; but if I could then he wouldn't need it. I placed my hand on his cheek but he didn't flinch, didn't notice, he couldn't feel my touch or my presence.

"I love you, Tobias," I whispered, praying that he would hear me. He didn't, he continued standing there as if a statue. He was welling up, tears forming in his eyes. That made the pain I felt worse, he never cried, not Four, the strong, Dauntless legend.

Christina was also crying when she asked to see me a few minutes later. "I want to see her, to say goodbye."

"I'll take you to her." Cara nodded weakly.

"Come on, Four," Christina says gently. She doesn't take his arm but he steps forward slowly and they walk side by side.

I trail behind, not desperate to see my body again. The full extent of my death has not fully set in yet and seeing my body terrifies me. I spent a while staring at the lifeless body on the table after I "woke up", confused, unable to believe that it was me. The last thing I remembered was my mother's embrace and then everything had gone dark.

When we arrive at the morgue, I watch as Tobias runs to my side, grabbing my hand. I know that he wants me to wake up, he wants me back. And I want to come back, I don't want to be dead, I want to be with Tobias. He falls to his knees next to the table and the tears come flooding out of him.

I can't stand idly by the door anymore and instead I rush to his side and slip my arms around him. I soothe him and whisper comforting words into his ear. I know that he can't hear me but it makes me feel better. If I could cry then I would; we would sit here on the floor together unable to comfort each other.

Tobias didn't sleep over the next few days, he didn't stop, instead choosing to walk the compound. I walk with him, supplying the company that I know he needs but can't fully have. He didn't speak to anyone for a long than a minute, ending conversations abruptly and walking away from the people who cared, the people who were worried.

I was happy to see that they were unleashing all of the water on the sculpture in the lobby. A big step had been taken in the Bureau and been successful so I was pleased to see that they recognised small steps weren't _always_ the way. I don't know if Tobias noticed, I also don't think he would have agreed that our efforts were successful. In his eyes, my sacrifice wouldn't count as a success.

"Tobias?" I heard Caleb ask in a small voice. I hadn't checked on Caleb since Tobias returned, I had spent every second with him, not wanting to be apart from him. I saw Tobias flinch and try to get away without speaking to my brother. I understood his pain and his hate; I would still be here if Caleb had gone into the Weapons Lab. "Wait. Please."

I turned before Tobias did, seeing my brother's pale face and bloodshot eyes. He has been crying, I know that he feels guilty for my sacrifice but I would not have had it any other way. When Tobias does finally face Caleb, he is angry but the emotion disappears from his face, quickly to be replaced by pain. Does he see me in my brother's features?

"I don't mean to bother you," my brother says politely. "But I have something to tell you. Something… she told me to tell you before…"

"Just get on with it," Tobias says roughly.

"She told me that if she didn't survive, I should tell you…" Caleb chokes, struggling against the moisture in his eyes. "That she didn't want to leave you."

I was glad that Caleb had passed along message; that Tobias would know that this wasn't like Erudite, I hadn't tried to trick him. Right up until the last moment, I really had intended Caleb to set off the memory serum. I didn't want to leave him, I loved him.

"Yeah? Then why did she? Why didn't she let you die?"

"You think I'm not asking myself that question? She loved me. Enough to hold me at gunpoint so she could die for me. I have no idea why, but that's just the way it is." Caleb walked away a second later. I watched him go, almost wanting to follow him. I didn't regret saving him, of course I didn't and I wondered if Caleb knew that.

Tobias sat on in the middle of the lobby, not caring if he was going to be in the way of anyone. I sat beside him and leant against his arm. We sat quietly, he didn't cry but he kept pressing his palms to his eyes as if the tears were trying to escape and he didn't want them to.

Sometime later, Cara approached. I was shocked to see Peter beside her, staring around the compound in wonder and confusion. She was explaining things to him as if he didn't know what they were. I realised that he had been reset, he no longer knew who he was or what he had done. I was surprised because he had been inoculated against the memory serum along with the rest of us, but it was probably for the best. Perhaps now he could start again and try to be less evil. Peter left a moment later and Cara sat down beside Tobias.

"You don't have to stay here," Tobias says.

"I don't have anywhere else to be and the quiet is nice."

The three of us sat in silence, watching the water.

"There you are," Christina said, jogging towards us. She, too, had been crying. We might have saved the GDs from discrimination in the Bureau but it had come at great pain to all of us. I don't think there was a single member of our group who had not been hurt in the process. "It's time. They're unplugging him."

I froze, how could I have been so selfish? In the aftermath of my death, I had completely forgotten that Uriah was still being kept alive by machines. I had forgotten that part of the mission had been to bring back his family so that they could say goodbye.

I didn't walk with my friends. I couldn't help still feeling a slight anger towards Tobias. He should have trusted me, we should have tried to stop the rebellion, the explosion that had effectively killed Uriah. When we arrived at the hospital, Zeke and his mother were inside the room with Uriah so we stood outside, watching through the observation window. Evelyn was there and tried to comfort Tobias but he rejected her. I slipped my hand into his slightly curled one. As usual, he didn't feel my touch and my heart contracted.

Tobias was angry about the presence of David, I could tell he was even before his outburst. Everyone tried to calm him down but it didn't make a difference and he still lunged at David when he left the small room. I tried to grab him, to hold him back from my clueless murderer but my hands went straight through him. That's how it was, I touch him lightly, pretend to hold hands and lean against him but when it really came down to it, I was dead. I couldn't touch him, I couldn't feel him; I couldn't grab him ever again. I was pulled from my despair when I heard Christina say it was time. I slipped through the wall and into the room with Uriah.

Zeke and his mother were holding each other's hands as well as Uriah's. They were speaking quietly, saying some kind of prayer. I placed a hand on Uriah's shoulder, he would be all right. Death wasn't so bad. The machines were switched off and a moment later, Uriah's mother stepped away from her son. When I looked up, my friends were crying and Tobias was gone. I didn't know where and would find him later but for now I also wanted to be sad for my friend. He had not died in some kind of admirable sacrifice; he had been injured by an explosion not even meant for him. It was not fair.


	2. Chapter 2

TWO

The following day, Tobias got up early, not that he had slept. He still wasn't sleeping properly, although he was now at least drifting between sleep and consciousness rather than constantly wandering; it was a start. He stood up suddenly from the spot on the floor where I had found him the night before and began his usual wandering, maybe there wasn't quite so much improvement. Except today, he was wandering towards the labs where they kept the serums. I wasn't sure what he was going to do but I knew that it wouldn't be good.

When we reached the lab, Tobias picked up a vial of the memory serum and put it into his pocket; definitely not good.

"What are you doing?" I asked angrily, wishing that he could hear and answer me.

"I can't be here without you, I can't be without you, Tris." He said, miraculously having heard me. "Don't hate me."

"I won't hate you so long as you don't do anything stupid."

Tobias didn't respond this time and I realised that he hadn't heard me, he hadn't been speaking to _me_. He had been speaking to some imagined version of me that he had pictured inside his head. Tobias left the compound and made his way towards one of the trucks. I threw myself in front of the door, hoping to keep him from opening the door.

"Whatever you are planning, wherever you are going; don't. Just don't." I yelled, as if added volume could help my voice pass through the barriers of death.

I knew that my plan had failed when the door opened through me and Tobias stepped right through my body to climb into the truck. The worst part was, I didn't even feel it.

I joined Tobias in the cab of the truck and within minutes had worked out exactly where he was going; back to the city. Soon we were driving through Abnegation with its cracked pavements and dull streets. The truck stopped in front of a typical house but despite its appearance, it wasn't just any house. This was Tobias's childhood home; the home that he had left; the home where he had been beaten by his father. I had no idea why he had chosen to come here to this house full of bad memories.

I followed Tobias up the stairs to the hall where he stood in front of the panel which I knew covered a mirror only allowed on special occasions. He revealed the mirror and saw for the first time what I had spent days looking at; he was exceptionally pale and had dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep. He did something which I didn't expect and picked up the hair clippers, plugging them into the wall. He ran the clippers through his hair, hands experienced and confident. I watched as he cut away the hair until it was once again Abnegation short, as it had been when we first met. He then swept up the shorn hair, careful to capture even the smallest of hairs. When he stopped in front of the mirror again, I stepped forward to kiss the Dauntless flame which peeked out from the top of his shirt. I wished that I knew why he was there, in his father's house, a house that he had been relieved to escape at the age of sixteen. It took my only seconds to work it out, however, when his hand reached into his pocket and pulled out a small tube. Memory serum.

"Tobias Eaton, don't you dare!" I leapt away from him, this time not bothering to attempt to swipe it away. I knew now that it wouldn't work. "Don't erase this, don't erase everything that has happened, don't erase everything we fought for. Don't erase me."

I spoke the last sentence as more of a whisper and, although he couldn't have heard me, he did seem to look up, to really look himself in the eye for just a second and then it was gone. He had decided.

"Matthew told me you stole some of the memory serum and a truck. I have to say, I didn't really believe him." Christina's voice came out of nowhere and for once I was glad to see her interfere.

"Then why did you come, if you didn't believe him?" Tobias' voice was dead, it had lost all life and all emotion. It physically hurt to hear him sound like that.

"Just in case," she began to walk towards Tobias. I stepped out of the way, praying that she would stop him as I couldn't. "Plus, I wanted to see the city one more time before it all changes. Give me that vial, Tobias."

"No," he said determinedly, curling his fingers protectively around the memory serum. "This is my decision, not yours."

"This is not your decision. This is the decision of a coward, and you're a lot of things, Four, but not a coward. Never." Christina spoke confidently, defiantly and I was glad. I only prayed that Tobias would listen, that he would pass the vial to her where she could crush it and stop it from ever passing his lips.

"Maybe I am now. Things have changed. I'm alright with it."

"Well, I'm sure as hell not!" I yelled, frustrated at not being heard.

"No you're not." Christina's voice was also raised. I look at Tobias; this is the most animated I have seen him in days but he still looks exhausted and simply rolls his eyes.

"You can't become a person she would hate. And she would have hated this." Christina's words were gentle and soft despite their angry and disapproving nature.

"Shut up!" Finally, this shook Tobias from his waking slumber and he became truly angry. "Shut up! You don't know what she would hate; you didn't know her, you–"

"I know enough." She cut him off. "I know she wouldn't want you to erase her from your memory like she didn't even matter to you!"

I couldn't have agreed more, I didn't want Tobias to forget me. It was selfish because it would easily have brought an end to his pain but on this occasion I couldn't, I wouldn't, be selfless. Tobias flung himself at Christina, slamming her into the wall and holding her there.

"If you dare suggest that again," he growled, voice deep in his throat. "I'll –"

"You'll what? Hurt me? You know, there's a word for big strong men who attack women, and it's coward!" She pushed him hard away from her.

Tobias faltered, eyes going distant and I knew what he was thinking of. He was thinking about the days and nights that he had spent in this house. The times when his father had beaten him and the times when Marcus had beaten Evelyn. That wasn't the person that Tobias wanted to be; he never wanted to be anything like his father. Realising what he had done, Tobias collapsed against the wall.

"I'm sorry," he said in a voice so small that he sounded like the young eighteen year old that I often forgot he was.

"I know," Christina answered. They stood silently for a moment and then Christina spoke again. "I know how it feels to want to forget everything. I also know how it feels for someone you love to get killed for no reason, and to want to trade all your memories of them for just a moment's peace."

I flinched as I realised that she was talking about Will. It was my fault that they were both suffering. I had been responsible for Will's death and now my own.

Christina took his hand which still tightly clenched the vial. "I didn't know Will long but he changed my life. He changed me. And I know Tris changed you even more. The person you became with her is worth being. If you swallow that serum, you'll never be able to find your way back to him."

I watch Tobias shake, tears forming in his eyes once again, hand clamping tighter around the vial and I want to hold him, to offer release from his pain. It is only a small relief when Christina takes him in her arms and hugs him; she shouldn't have to because it should be me. But I can't, I can never embrace him again. I watch as Tobias cries and slowly, I fall to the ground, shaking.

After a while, Tobias opens his fist and offers the vial to Christina. I cannot help but breathe a large sigh of relief when she quickly takes it and pockets the liquid. I also can't help but laugh when I listen to them talk of being friend and exchanging bracelets like Amity girls. Only Christina would manage to make light of such a serious situation.

* * *

><p><strong>So these first two chapters have contained quite a lot of dialogue from the end of Allegiant, showing Tris' view of the events which took place. From now on, it's going to be my descriptions and dialogue etc as we see what happened in the two years not mentioned between the memory serum incident and the zip-lining. I hope you like it so far and I will try to update again soon but please review and let me know what you thought! :D Billie. x<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

THREE

Tobias did make an effort to re-join society after that day, but he didn't stay at the Bureau longer than a week. He told Christina that the memories were still fresh and the pain was still too raw. Instead he decided to move back into the city, taking a place in one of the newly freed apartment blocks. People were beginning to move out of the city, exploring the world that they had never known about. People from the Fringe were also beginning to move into the city; it was a place where they weren't going to be judged for their lack of purity, where they were surrounded by people who didn't know the first thing about genetic purity. The city was recovering from the rebellions and it was moving towards peace and democracy without factions. I was glad to see that we had succeeded and that our efforts had not been in vain. Perhaps soon it would spread and the rest of the country would see that it was possible to live in harmony.

Tobias chose to live away from Dauntless and Abnegation, choosing a new home near the swamp and far from any of his previous homes. He didn't take much with him because he didn't own much, but thankfully the apartment came fully furnished. The previous owners had either been killed or left Chicago in a hurry when they heard about the outside world. Unfortunately, I suspected that the first option was more likely to be true.

I went with him, although he didn't know it. I was sad to leave my brother but I thought that he might eventually return and I needed to be with Tobias. Being selfless for Caleb had killed me and it was time to be selfish, to be with Tobias. His new home still resembled that of another, there were no touches of Tobias for weeks.

For the first few days, he didn't leave the bed so neither did I. We lay together, unable to speak, both wishing that I wasn't dead. There were moments when I did regret my decision but I quickly reprimanded myself; if I hadn't done it then I would be have been there but Caleb wouldn't have been. I would have been just as unhappy as I was anyway.

"Tris," Tobias said one night, rolling towards me in his sleep. "I love you."

It was mumbled but still beautiful to hear. For days I hadn't heard him speak and for weeks he hadn't said my name. It had always seemed to be a beautiful name when it crossed his lips. I picked it for strength and to escape from my past but Tobias always managed to make it soft and gentle.

"I love you too." I replied, a barely audible murmur.

"I'm glad, because I'd be lost without your love." I froze. Had he heard me that time? Had he finally heard my cries of love and desperation? I had given up trying to speak to him, knowing it was a lost cause yet here we were having a conversation as he slept.

"I'm always going to love you and I will never leave you."

"Good, come 'ere." Tobias reached out to pull me towards him and I held my breath with anticipation, waiting to feel his hand on my hip, for his lips to touch my face. But they didn't come, my hips remained untouched and my forehead un-kissed.

He sat up in his bed, a confused look clouding his features.

"But you were here. We were talking. You said you would never leave me." Tobias frowned.

"I won't, I'm right here." I waited for the response, the confusion to clear but it didn't. Tobias was awake now so he wouldn't hear me. Perhaps it was because he had been only semi-conscious, drifting in the place between sleeping and waking, that he had heard me. Perhaps he thought he hadn't heard anything but was only responding to what he would have expected me to say if I was still alive. Mixed with intense desire and longing, the mind could play tricks on you and that was all he would think it was. Come tomorrow when he woke up, he would assume I had just been a dream, a trick of the mind.

Tobias slumped back against his pillow, eyes wide open. "Well, I'm awake now. What do I do?"

"Nothing," I mumbled, fully aware that it was once again pointless. I curled up against his side, my head resting lightly on his chest.

* * *

><p>It's just a short chapter I know but I'm on holiday (yay) so I should be able to update again soon! :) Billie. x<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Hehehe, I totally didn't get amused about what number this chapter is! ;) I'd like to apologise to those I made cry with my last update, but I will warn you to be prepared again this time - sorry guys!

Also, I went to see Divergent on Wednesday and oh my goodness, it was amazing! If you are avoiding going to see it because you think it'll be rubbish or you're annoyed about the lack of Uriah then stahp! Just go. It's brilliant, everything is there, aside from a few funny lines and a butter knife incident... Uriah is on the rankings board so he does exist - yes I checked!

Anyway, enough rambling - enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think! :D Billie. xxx

* * *

><p>FOUR<p>

Tobias did eventually fall asleep but we stayed curled together all night. He didn't cry, instead he sat quietly staring at the wall and I knew that he was reliving every moment that we had spent together. For once he wasn't restless; he slept peacefully for the first time in weeks. When he woke, the sun was streaming in through a small gap in the curtains, creating a sliver of light across the dark blue covers.

Tobias opened his eyes slowly and they darted around the room. I moved seconds before he threw back the covers and climbed out of bed. He hadn't left his bed except to eat, even that was only occasional, and if I was alive, I would have joked that he desperately needed to get his ass in the shower. His recent inactivity meant that I was a little surprised when Tobias did shower. He pulled on a clean black t-shirt and a pair of dark jeans. The city had removed all faction customs, including clothing colour, but it was hard to break away from the norm. I knew the feeling because I had felt strange in the skimpy black clothes for days after my transfer to Dauntless.

Even stranger than the decision to wash and dress, Tobias left the house in favour of returning to the Pit. It was strange to see our previous home inhabited by strangers. It wasn't particularly busy, as it had been in the days of the factions, but there were a few people milling around in amazement. Some people had piercings and tattoos covering their exposed skin so I recognised them as reminiscing members of Dauntless. Some people sat right on the edge of the chasm, feet dangling over the edge, whilst others took curious steps forward before leaping back in terror. It was funny to see the reactions of those from the Fringe or those from different factions who were discovering it for the first time.

Tobias wandered away from the crowds, following a narrow path down to the bottom of the chasm and over some rocks. This was the place he had taken me after going through his fear landscape, after I found out who he was. We had sat talking and then that was the place where Tobias had first kissed me. I could tell that he too was reliving that night.

He sat on the same flat rock as before and removed his shoes and socks, dipping his toes into the fast running water. "I guess the two year age gap was the least of our worries."

I flashed back to a sarcastic remark that he had made, _that whopping two year age gap really is insurmountable_. He was right, the age gap made no difference to our relationship but now we had bigger problems. I was pretty sure that my death _was_ insurmountable.

"Hey man, you alright?" A voice surprised me and made Tobias jump too. It was Zeke. He came over and sat on the edge beside Tobias whilst I climbed up onto a rock just above the pair and watched quietly.

"Hi." Tobias flinched. He still blamed himself, it was obvious from the way he leaned away from Zeke, shoulders slumped.

"Four, don't blame yourself for what happened." Apparently, Zeke could read Tobias's body language too.

"Why not? It was my fault. You told me to look after Uriah and I didn't, I killed him."

"Maybe you didn't look out for him like I asked, but that doesn't mean you killed him." Tobias began to speak but Zeke interrupted him before he got the chance. "I know you said that you participated in the uprising but I talked to Cara. She said that you disabled the alarm and that was it. You didn't plant the explosives, you didn't set them off: you aren't responsible."

"I'm sorry, Zeke."

"I know, man. Listen, we're having a memorial in the Pit tomorrow, for Uri. You should come."

"You sure you want me there?"

"Without a doubt, and Uriah would too."

Tobias hesitated for a second before slowly nodding his head. "I'll be there."

The two of them sat in silence for several minutes and I laughed. They were like two awkward school boys having a discussion about their feelings. I realised that's exactly what they were when Zeke next spoke.

"How you doing with it?" Zeke paused, screwing his face up. "Without her I mean?"

"Great, it's brilliant." Was the sarcastic response.

"Come on, Four. You can talk to me about it."

"I can't because it hurts." Tobias gritted his teeth and clenched his fists; I wanted to softly uncurl his fingers, lacing them with mine.

"So don't talk." Tobias relaxed a little. "Write it down."

"You want me to write you a love letter?" Tobias joked. It was the first light-hearted thing he had said in weeks. It was also, miraculously, accompanied by a smile.

"Not to me, you pansycake." Zeke laughed. "But, babe, you know I love you too!"

Tobias laughed and I felt a weight lift off my chest. I couldn't have been more grateful to Zeke than I was at that moment. He had managed to make Tobias laugh and distract him whilst still discussing the most painful subject.

"Write her a letter, tell her how you feel. It might help."

"But she's never going to see it. What's the point?" Tobias had returned to his sad, cynical mood.

"It helps to get it off your chest and she's the one you trust with anything, yeah? The one you can talk to, no matter what."

"She used to be. Until some bastard killed her!" Tobias kicked his foot in the chasm, sending the icy water flying but Zeke didn't flinch at the violent outburst or the drops that splashed him.

"Just do it, yeah?" Zeke stood up, preparing to leave when Tobias looked up at him.

"When did you get so wise?" Zeke shrugged and Tobias grinned. "Shauna having that good an effect on you, eh?"

Zeke laughed and walked back up the path without responding.

"What the hell would be the point?" Tobias asked the air.

"Because I will read every word of it." I said, jumping down from the rock and slipping my arms around his waist.

"Tris is dead." I gasped and pulled away from him. It was straight to the point, forceful and everyone had avoided saying it so brutally but it was true. There was no denying it. I could watch and comment on life as much as I liked but I couldn't actually live it.

"Please, Tobias." I turned away and climbed part way up the path towards the Pit. When I was halfway, I turned back to see him staring into the fast moving water of the chasm.


	5. Chapter 5

Hello, everyone. So, it's been a while... Sorry. Exams and work happened last summer and then I started university and I guess I sort of just forgot and didn't get a chance when I did remember. Not much of an excuse, I know.

Anyway, I'm home for the summer now and not working so should have a fair bit of time to try and get some writing done! :) Here's chapter 5, and chapter 6 is on the way soon. :)

Billie. xxx

* * *

><p>FIVE<p>

After Tobias' outburst by the chasm, I couldn't bear to be around him. I couldn't believe that he had put it out there, made it real, accepted that I was dead.

I certainly hadn't expected him to take Zeke's advice so I was amazed when I did finally return to the apartment that evening and found a messily written letter. I could tell that his hand had been shaking and there were a few smudges that showed he had been crying as he wrote. The page had been left out on the table in the kitchen so before finding him, I stopped to read it.

Tris,

I can't believe that I am actually taking advice from Zeke but here goes nothing. I am lost without you. Ever since that dreadful day, I haven't known what to do with myself. You were my light, my darkness and everything in between. You were every colour in my day. You were the only reason I had left to live in a world that I despised. I was wrong not to trust you about Nina and I know that it put a wedge between us; that it separated us for out last days together and for that I am sorry. But I am so glad that our last night was what it was and it will stay fresh in my mind forever. I know that you loved me but I was so scared that you wouldn't forgive me for not trusting you, for hurting Uriah. But when you did what you did for Caleb despite everything that he had done to you and to Divergents generally, I knew that that if you could forgive him then there was hope that you might have forgiven me. I can only pray that this is true.

Tris, I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I don't know what to do without you. I wish that we could have figured this out together, discovered this new world side by side. I know that I made a mess of my Dauntless life, but I feel like I've been given a second chance, a chance to start over and I want to do everything better. I want to be better for you.

I find it hard to believe that you're gone. I keep expecting to open my eyes in the night and find you next to me. I keep wanting to tell you how I feel only to remember that I can't tell you anything anymore. I know that you're gone but it's so easy to forget, to imagine that you're still here. And maybe you are. I know how stubborn you are, Tris, maybe you wouldn't let them take you away and you are still here, watching over us and laughing at all of our mistakes. I know that you would be disappointed in me for how I have dealt with your death and so from now on, I'm going to return to life. I know that you would not want me to spend the rest of my life moping about indoors, as much as I might want that, so starting tomorrow with Uri's memorial, I'm re-joining life.

I miss you.

Tobias.

I almost lost it. I almost crumpled to the floor, overwhelmed by the emotion that was in his letter. I had always known that Tobias loved me, he had always been so sure of it and had told me as soon as he knew. I hadn't responded straight away, in fact it had taken me some time to do so. The first time I told Tobias I loved him, he was asleep but the second time, he was caught off guard so much so that he had asked me to repeat the words. It was clear that he had been surprised, that he hadn't expected me to say them. But it was true, I think it always had been, I was simply afraid to say it. Afraid to let him see my feelings and to trust him with something so personal. Afraid that I didn't know what it meant to love someone, how it was supposed to be. And more than anything, I was afraid of loving someone when everyone else I loved had died or betrayed me. But I had still felt it, still known deep down, that I did love Tobias.

I was surprised to see that he was unsure about my forgiveness. Of course I had forgiven him, there was no doubt in my mind. There was never a clear moment when I decided that it was forgiven; it was more a gradual realisation that we could fight but that we needed each other. We needed to be there for one another because there was no-one else. We were each other's family and that was all that mattered. I wished that I could respond to his letter, that I could let him know that it was all going to be alright, that I loved him more than words could express and that nothing else meant more to me than him.

I found him standing in front of the window in his room, staring out across the city. His apartment wasn't particularly high up in the building but it still provided a good view of the city. I looked out too, following his gaze to the large Ferris wheel that stood by the marshy river. My mind flashed back to initiation, to the game of capture the flag when we climbed the wheel to get a good vantage point. It was before I knew how Tobias felt, before I had fully realised how I felt. I was only just beginning to fall for the man who seemed to dislike me and yet believe in my capabilities. I remembered how my breath had caught as his finger touched my bare hip. That was when I had noticed the effect that he had on me, he made me feel like I was about to fall, or about to burst into flames. It had been exhilarating then and it had continued to feel that way. Even now, standing beside him, I was acutely aware of how close we were. I wished that he could touch me again, that I could know the feel of his fingers on my hip just one more time.

Tobias sighed, drawing me away from my thoughts of his touch. He turned away from the window and I realised that dusk had begun to mark the horizon. It was getting late and I wondered how long Tobias had been standing there. I watched as he opened the sparsely stocked fridge and tried to find something to eat. I hoped that part of Tobias' promise to re-join life would include buying some food and eating properly again. I sat down on the couch and watched as he went about preparing his dinner. That could have been our life; if he had been able to see me there, if I had still been alive, then it would have been the perfect cosy scene. If only things had turned out differently.


	6. Chapter 6

SIX

Tobias hadn't closed his curtains before bed and so the morning light woke him at an hour that would have made me cringe in disgust had I still needed sleep. Today was the day of Uriah's memorial and I was worried about the effect that it would have on Tobias. I knew that, despite Zeke's words, he still blamed himself for what had happened. He didn't need that kind of pain on top of the pain of my death and I wished that I could reinforce Zeke's words. I wanted to tell Tobias that I was no longer angry with him, that I agreed with Zeke's removal of blame. He wasn't guilty of some of the things I had accused him of, he hadn't been the one to kill Uriah and he needed to know that.

Tobias chose to walk to the old Dauntless headquarters rather than taking the train. I got the feeling that he wanted to clear his head before placing himself in a large crowd of people. I walked beside him, mentally offering comfort and words of advice that I didn't even bother attempting to voice to him. When we arrived, the Pit was filled with people. It was far busier than yesterday and I realised how many people had known and loved Uriah. He had been funny and kind, willing to see the good in people and encourage them to see it too. I thought back to the time when he had welcomed me as a friend whilst Christina and Will had rejected my company.

I had only experienced a Dauntless funeral once before and that had been for Al. He had tried to kill me and so I had been angry that the other members of Dauntless were treating him like a hero. Al hadn't been brave at all but Uriah had been and so I hoped that some distinction would be made to show the truth in Uriah's bravery.

The crowd was gathered by the chasm, just as they had been the last time, with Zeke and his mother at the front. I saw Christina not far off and when she noticed Tobias she crossed the Pit.

"How are you?" She asked.

"I'm fine," Tobias lied.

"You never were cut out for Candor, Four."

Tobias grimaced, I assumed he was remembering the same thing that I was: a time when we had made the same joke about one another on the night that he allowed me to see his fear landscape.

"Well, I'm doing better." He paused. "Slightly."

"Good."

"How are you doing?" Tobias asked, looking back at her forced smile.

"Okay, I guess. Now that it's all gone quiet, it's given me a chance to really grieve for Will, you know, as well as Tris. I hate that I lost them both so close together. I had barely had a chance to deal with his death before she was gone too."

Tobias nodded. She had lost a boyfriend and a best friend. Christina had admitted to Tobias that Will's effect on her hadn't been as strong as my effect on Tobias; but still, it had to be hard. My stomach clenched as I thought back to Will's death. Yet more pain that I had caused. I realised that all of Christina's unhappiness was my fault. I had killed Will and then I had risked my own life. Her pain was entirely my responsibility.

I was thankful for the distraction when Zeke climbed on top of a rock and cleared his throat. The crowd fell silent.

"This is a day that I hoped I would never see," Zeke began. "My little brother was just a kid, he had barely left initiation when we were all forced into a war that we didn't want to fight. He was sixteen. That was less than a year ago, and now unfortunately he has been taken from us. But Uriah died a brave man. He fought against the oppression and he was part of discovering a world outside of this city. I believe that he would have been amazed and proud to see this new world that we have begun to introduce. Uriah is not the only person that we have lost, however. So whilst we are here let us not only think of Uriah; let us think of Tris and Marlene and Lynn and Tori and the others. Let us remember all the people that we have lost this year."

Then Zeke raised high the bottle that he held in his hand and shouted "For Uriah and our lost friends."

The words echoed around the Pit as the crowd repeated them over and over.

I wished that I could see Uriah once more. I wished that I could see his smile again. I wished that I could hear another of his jokes. I wished that I could see him pull just one more stupid prank.

I saw a movement in the corner of my eye, distracting me from my thoughts. I turned my head and, low and behold, standing slightly higher up the Pit stairs, was a familiar dark-skinned boy. It was Uriah.

* * *

><p>A few people were asking if we would see Uriah, well here we are! :) This is a bit of a short one but I'll try to upload Seven soon with a bit more of our favourite joker. :) Please review and let me know what you think. :) Billie. xxx<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Hello everyone! *Enter apology/excuse about personal shittyness here* BUT I have two chapters for you tonight, so hopefully that'll make it up to you. :) Let me know what you think in the reviews. Billie. xxx

* * *

><p>SEVEN<p>

He noticed me a moment later and we made eye contact. Neither of us moved for a few seconds and then we quickly met in the middle, standing a little way away from the crowd who were still repeating Zeke's words.

"How are you here, Tris?" He asked.

"I died. Just before they unplugged you. Sorry..." I cringed realising how casually I had mentioned his death.

"It's okay, I've sort of made my peace with what happened." He shrugged. "I saw that people were upset but I didn't know what happened. I did wonder where you were. How did it happen?"

"David. They said that the experiment had gone wrong again so they were going to reset everyone's memory and try again. We stopped them and set off the memory serum there instead. I only just managed to set it off as David shot me."

"Shit, Tris. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, I guess, I mean I died saving people and that's what matters. I died in place of my brother and so that's okay. It's just hard to deal with some days. Hard to accept that I'm actually dead."

"I know," His face scrunched as he glanced across at his mother. "They don't do so well some days either. My mother cried for a few nights but she's mostly pulled together now. Zeke spent the first week after in the training room, just shooting things and throwing knives."

"They're alright now? Aren't they still sad? I mean, you only died a few weeks ago!" I was shocked. How could they get over his death so quickly? I remembered when my parents had died, it had taken me a long time to feel okay without them.

"It's okay, Tris. It's just the Dauntless way. They mourn and then they move on. That's the way it works around here."

I still couldn't believe that his own family could simply move on from his death. I looked at Tobias, he certainly hadn't moved on. Someone had passed round bottles of something; alcohol, I presumed, remembering Al's funeral. He stared at his bottle as people around him chatted away with each other, so clearly lost in his thoughts. Neither of us had had much time to adjust to the Dauntless way of life and so it was clearly the Abnegation in each of us that made it harder for us to deal with the loss of a close friend or family member.

"How are you here, Uriah? I've been dead for weeks now and not seen a soul. No pun intended." I cringed at the accidental and rather tasteless joke. The thought had suddenly occurred to me though. As much as I was delighted to see my friend and to be able to speak to someone, I was confused.

He laughed; I really shouldn't have been surprised that he would find something like that amusing. "I'm not entirely sure how it works but I think that if you really want to see someone, and wish it hard enough, then they appear. Everyone seems to have their own space here, their own version of the world, but sometimes we can cross into others."

"How do you know so much?"

"I'm just guessing really. I was sat by the chasm last week, I was thinking about Marlene and how much I missed her. Then suddenly, she appeared beside me." Uriah smiled. I had forgotten about their close friendship. They had clearly had feelings for each other and Uriah had been devastated when she had been killed in an Erudite attempt to capture Divergents.

"Oh, that's good. So I can see anyone who's dead? That means I can see my parents again." I smiled, flashing back to the day I had died. My mother had embraced me and told me that she was proud of me. I had previously assumed that the experience had been some sort of hallucination as I drifted into unconsciousness. Perhaps not.

"Yeah," Uriah smiled at me. "It's certainly a change from being invisible in the world of the living. Speaking of, how is Four doing?"

"Not great," I admitted. "He's barely left the new apartment since he moved in. He's getting there though; this is the second day that he's been here so that's a start. Christina seems to have his back and Zeke is there for him too, but I think Four struggles to see him without feeling guilty."

"Guilty?" Uriah raised both eyebrows.

"He blames himself for what happened. To you, I mean. He promised Zeke that he would look after you and he didn't. He feels like he is responsible for your death because he took part in the uprising."

"He did?" Uriah frowned. "Did you?"

"No, I told him not to take part but he was still upset about the whole Genetically Damaged thing. He didn't handle it well. He was responsible for disabling the alarm but he didn't know about the explosives."

Uriah hesitated, frowning. "That's ridiculous. Four isn't to blame for this. I mean it was stupid to get involved with the GD rebels but even so, that doesn't make him responsible. I don't blame him."

"I know, I see that now too. But to begin with, I held him responsible. I was mad at him, partly because he hadn't trusted me but…" I trailed off knowing that my reasons were invalid now that Uriah had voiced his forgiveness. I watched the group for a few moments. "If only we could talk to them."

"If only. There are so many things that I wish I could say to Zeke and to my mom. Things I wish I had said when I was still alive."

"Yeah, I wish that I had sorted things out with my brother sooner. I mean, he messed things up and he did some stupid things, but I wish I'd forgiven him sooner. I regret that we weren't friends at the end and I wish I could tell him that."

"Perhaps one day you'll be able."

"Not too soon though, I hope." I looked back at the group; they were still by the chasm but starting to lessen in numbers.

Tobias was now stood by the chasm, staring at the rushing water. I had hoped that he would join in the memorial with our friends but perhaps he still wasn't ready.

"I'm worried about him, Uriah." I said. But when I turned to face him, Uriah was gone. "Oh."

Perhaps I had been distracted by Tobias and that had caused my longing to see Uriah to disappear. I was tempted to wish him back again but decided instead to spend the day remembering him with the others. I walked over to where Tobias stood, and reached across to take his hand.

"Be brave," I whispered, squeezing his hand ever so lightly.

"Well, I guess I did promise." Tobias sighed sadly, took a swig of his beer and re-joined our friends.


	8. Chapter 8

Remember to review and let me know your thoughts, and whether or not I made you cry today... I'm sorry about that. Although not sorry enough to stop. Billie (or am I Steven Moffat?) xxx

* * *

><p>EIGHT<p>

Tobias did indeed keep his promise that day, he listened as everyone shared their stories of Uriah and the friends they had lost.

"I remember, one time, Uriah insisted that I take him zip-lining. He was only fourteen at the time and he was so excited." Zeke grinned. "He screamed the all the way down, I could hear him the whole way, even from the top of the Hancock Building."

"He did the same thing the second time, when we took the new initiates." Shauna joined in.

I smiled, I remembered making jokes about him about his screeching. I had felt bad but repeated the joke to him later, causing him to laugh too. That was the kind of guy he was, able to laugh at himself as well as the people around him.

"Yeah, Tris said he sounded like a strangled cat." Someone laughed, echoing my thoughts. I didn't know the guy but I vaguely recognised him, probably from around the Pit or at the zip-lining.

Tobias smiled too, just a slight curl at the corners of his mouth.

"I remember when he got his first tattoo." Tobias said quietly. "He was desperate to be inked like his big brother. But unlike his brother, he barely flinched the whole time."

"Ooh," Shauna raised an eyebrow at Tobias. "Nicely done, Four."

"Humph." Zeke took a swig of his beer.

"Do you remember when we caught them in the training room?" Shauna asked Tobias and Zeke. "When Uriah was trying to shoot a muffin off Marlene's head."

"Yeah," Tobias smiled softly.

"I can't believe that all three of them are gone. They were still so young." Zeke sighed. I realised that each of them had been close to one of us. Zeke and Shauna had lost a sibling whilst Tobias had lost a girlfriend. I wasn't sure which was worse. Was I more sad to have lost Tobias or Caleb? Perhaps that wasn't a fair comparison though; my relationship with Caleb was different to that of Zeke, Shauna and their respective siblings.

"We're all still so young. I think sometimes we forget that we aren't much older than they were. We all saw so much in such a short space of time; I don't think any of us, them included, are really as young as we think we are. Not anymore."

"Well said, Four, well said." Zeke nodded.

I looked around the Pit, and saw that people had fallen silent to listen to him and that many of them were nodding. They all agreed with what he had said. And they were right to, he wasn't wrong. We had all aged far quicker than we should have had to. We had all been forced to grow up as a result of seeing violence, brutality and manipulation that we should not have been exposed at any point in our lives, never mind at sixteen and eighteen as I and my friends had been.

"In some ways, it's a shame that we lost our faction leaders." A woman beside me said.

"You are kidding right?" Tobias exclaimed. "They were the whole reason we ended up at war with each other."

"Obviously, it was a screwed up system but we had just chosen new leaders. Good leaders. You, Harrison and Tori were good leaders. Have you thought of becoming one of the leaders of this new city? After all, you know a lot about the outside world and you have knowledge and insight like what you just said."

"I don't know, Alice." Tobias shook his head. "I don't think I'm right for the job after all."

"Four, you made some good decisions. You were a part of the group that decided to go outside the fence and now here we are, in a better system."

"Don't push him, Alice." Zeke warned.

"But he needs to hear it." She said. She then continued quietly and I only heard her because I was standing so close. "At least so that he knows he can continue without Tris."

"I agree with you, Alice." I said. "He'd be great at the job."

There was an awkward silence as no-one knew what to say but, thankfully, someone began to recount another memory of Uriah.

Tobias found himself discussing Alice's words with Christina later that week. She had moved into an apartment on one of the upper floors of the Hancock Building, and it was there that they were sat. Christina had invited him over for a badly cooked dinner, partly in an attempt to ensure that he was eating and partly to ensure that he was leaving his own apartment. I was glad that she was looking out for him because although he was eating more regularly, he often had just a slice of toast for his dinner.

"What do you think we're meant to do now that the factions are gone?" Christina asked, filling a gap in the conversation.

"Live our lives. Stop worrying if we fit into the right category."

"Yeah, but when we had the factions, each faction had jobs; we had guards at the Fence, people who worked in the computer rooms, initiation instructors. Now what do we do?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure." Tobias paused for a moment. "We'll still need some of the same jobs, I suppose. Teachers, researchers, guards to keep the peace, perhaps even people to form a link with those outside the city."

"What do you think you'll do?"

"I don't know. Someone suggested that I go up for leadership."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure if that's what I want though."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not very good at making decisions. Some of the worst decisions that I ever made were once that Tris advised me against. Trusting Evelyn, getting involved with Nina; I thought they were all good decisions but Tris advised me against them. I did it anyway though, and look how it turned out." I saw him flinch each time he said my name. "I don't know if I'm capable of making good decisions on my own."

"You just have to learn to make them without her. Just think about what she would do in each situation, what she would advise you against." Christina paused and grinned. "Besides, I'm sure you'd just be an assistant to begin with; you know, fetching tea, filing paperwork."

"Oh, thanks, Christina. That really helps – telling me I'll just be someone's skivvy."

"Well, it's true."

"And I thought you'd grown out of your Candor way of thinking," Tobias laughed.

"Hey!"

"I'm just saying, bit Candor with the harsh truths."

"I meant that you'll have time to work up to the whole decision making thing. You'll be able to watch other people make the choices for a while. Anyway, you know what's wrong and right when it comes to looking out for the wellbeing of others; that's an Abnegation trait, is it not?" Christina stuck out her tongue.

"Okay, I guess I deserved that."

I smiled, watching them laugh and trade further insulting comments. I was pleased to see Tobias happy, hell, I was pleased to see them both so happy. They had both been through hell and come out the other side with all sorts of cuts and scars. In that moment, I could see them both healing with each other's help. I could see a day when all would be well again.


End file.
